all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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