Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize