I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
