i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
