I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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