I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
