Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
