I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
