nut hugger
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
