I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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