then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
