Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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