Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
