It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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