He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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