he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
