Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
