if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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