A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
