somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
