and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
