No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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