somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
