So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
