You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
