I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
