you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize