He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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