If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
