Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
