I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
