I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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