I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
