remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
