What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
