fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i now understand why vodka
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
