Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
