Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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