im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
