proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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