I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
