About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
