I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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