haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
