....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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