Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize