Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
