So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
