Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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