It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
