I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a beard to bite.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
