dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
