Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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