I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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