The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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