Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
