So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
