You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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