I puked a lego.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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