I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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